I am embarrassed of my lifestyle?

I am a very large man with a stomach the size of 15 bowling balls. All I do is eat, play pac man, and braid my cat's hair. I have a wife...well had a wife...but she left me when I asked to braid her beard every day. I have acquired this new fascination with yarn. I braid it ,crochet it, and I make spiffy jackets for Mr. Kitty. I want to have a life, but more than anything I want my wife back. She was 400 pounds of pure beauty and sexiness, and I miss her good cooking. I want my baby, Henrietta, back so she can fry me up some loaded potatoes with ribs. Any suggestions on how to get her will make my heart smile. Thanks to all fellow yahooers willing to answer this question. Please play nice and only leave me encouraging answers. Peace out!